Let me start by saying that I rarely see a movie anymore that doesn't self-vend from the Redbox so at times the pickings are slim. Those deciders at Redbox headquarters wear themselves out trying to appeal to the broadest audience with the least offensive material. Even so, it's a good thing for everyone that has a dollar to spare to see Iron Man. Not so with this dud. I picked it because Burn After Reading is already gone and Appaloosa was out. It was Wanted or Kung Fu Panda. Obviously I chose wrong.
James McAvoy plays a loser slacker office worker who can't even get worked up enough to tell off his "best" friend who's screwing his girlfriend. His dead-eyed, slack-jawed look gets old really quick. While reupping his meds at the drugstore he is approached by Fox (Angelina Jolie) and is told a man wants to kill him. A fairly decent shootout ensues and then it just get preposterous. This movie is based on a graphic novel series and I would bet that the paper version works much better. We learn that there was a group of assassin weavers -- yes, assassin weavers-- that have an ancient loom that sends them messages telling them whom to assassinate. Let me just say it again---assassin weavers. Original at least.
Wesley (McAvoy) finds out that his father was one of the greatest assassins ever, was recently killed was one of the greatest assassins ever, was recently killed by a rogue assassin weaver (surprise) and he has this fabulous talent in his genes. He has an array of heightened powers that allow him and the others to bend the arc of a bullet, stand on speeding trains, jump great heights, etc. None of their talents follow any sort of world-building rules. They just kind of come and go as needed. Sort of like the plot. Morgan Freeman slums here as the leader of the Fraternity of Assassin Weavers. He might as well have stood on screen with a paycheck in his hand.
James McAvoy plays a loser slacker office worker who can't even get worked up enough to tell off his "best" friend who's screwing his girlfriend. His dead-eyed, slack-jawed look gets old really quick. While reupping his meds at the drugstore he is approached by Fox (Angelina Jolie) and is told a man wants to kill him. A fairly decent shootout ensues and then it just get preposterous. This movie is based on a graphic novel series and I would bet that the paper version works much better. We learn that there was a group of assassin weavers -- yes, assassin weavers-- that have an ancient loom that sends them messages telling them whom to assassinate. Let me just say it again---assassin weavers. Original at least.
Wesley (McAvoy) finds out that his father was one of the greatest assassins ever, was recently killed was one of the greatest assassins ever, was recently killed by a rogue assassin weaver (surprise) and he has this fabulous talent in his genes. He has an array of heightened powers that allow him and the others to bend the arc of a bullet, stand on speeding trains, jump great heights, etc. None of their talents follow any sort of world-building rules. They just kind of come and go as needed. Sort of like the plot. Morgan Freeman slums here as the leader of the Fraternity of Assassin Weavers. He might as well have stood on screen with a paycheck in his hand.
This is all the rest of what needs to be said about this movie:
- You won't care about anyone in it or what happens to them.
- The big surprise is so badly bungled it doesn't really matter.
- There's a lot of gratuitous violence that even I didn't care for and I am very tolerant of violence.
- Angelina Jolie has the coolest tattoos ever in this movie.
- Angelina Jolie needs to eat a Big Mac. And a sleeve of fudge stripes. And a milkshake.
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